VERDICT
Expectations for 2012 were
high. It was a Quentin Tarantino year and a Daniel Day-Lewis year, with several
mammoth franchises (Bond, LOTR, Batman, Marvel Comics) coming
out with new chapters, so you knew it had to be a pretty good 12 months. Out of the past five
years, Man with Beard thinks 2012 takes third place, behind 2010 (The Social
Network, Black Swan, The King’s Speech, Winter’s Bone, Inception, Toy Story 3) and 2008 (Milk, Gran Torino, WALL-E, The Dark
Knight, Slumdog Millionaire, In Bruges).
But 2012’s expectations
were still higher than the results. Not that this is a big calamity, though.
What’s to blame is the increasingly ramped up artistry of the trailers. They
can be so addicting and misleading at the same time that they can skewer the
viewing experience.
Among some of the most
anticipated releases, we had repeat offenses of sloppiness. Some movies posited
brilliant themes but were undermined by stupid plot points or characters (Prometheus, The Dark Knight Rises) and some didn’t end when they should have (Lincoln, Django Unchained).
But some really did come
through, despite being under the microscope before even hitting theatres (The Hobbit, The Avengers, Skyfall and to a lesser degree, The Master).
Filmmakers like Kathryn Bigelow (Zero Dark Thirty), Ben Affleck (Argo) and Joss Whedon (The Avengers, The Cabin in the Woods) confirmed they can consistently deliver pièce de
résistance after pièce de résistance. They deserve appointment viewing.
Other directors took a dip
– like Judd Apatow (This is 40)
and Martin McDonagh (Seven Psychopaths), who couldn’t match the high water mark of past projects like Knocked
Up/The 40-Year-Old Virgin and In
Bruges, respectively.
Now let’s dig in to the
nitty gritty of it all:
TOP TEN AND OTHERS
10. Flight – Robert Zemeckis matches the mastery of the plane
crash scene with an engrossing character study of a raging alcoholic, played by
the great Denzel Washington.
9. Silver Linings
Playbook – From afar, it looks
rife with clichés, but David O. Russell deftly dodges most of them and
surprises you with a hilarious love story, replete with great acting and some
dark humor as well.
8. Beasts of the
Southern Wild – It’s partly
fantastical; you’ll wonder what universe you’re in and you’ll wonder how such a
young girl could stomp around and be so enterprising. But the score and the
filmmaking will win you over and you won’t know what to do other than smile by
the end.
7. The Master – Its message is completely inscrutable with only
one viewing. But what’s easily recognizable is a fascinating narrative about a
charlatan and a damaged war veteran. The acting is scary good and its
cinematography is oh-so pretty.
6. Amour – It’s tender and sad. Then it’ll pull your
eyelids back. And before the credits roll, it’s back to being tender and sad.
Director Michael Haneke skillfully and caringly forces love and death to
confront one another, and it’ll shake you up some.
5. Argo – Ben Affleck is officially one of the top
American directors out there. Each of his pictures are better than the last.
You get it all with Argo. It’s
filled with scenes where everything could go horribly wrong any moment and it
can transition to hilarious dark humor without making you pause.
4. Django Unchained – In many ways a companion piece to Inglourious
Basterds, Quentin Tarantino
continues to push boundaries like no other mainstream American director with
explicit tales of indulgent vengeance set in one of the worst tragedies in
human history. Delicious writing and tip-top acting make for a lively three
hours.
3. Zero Dark Thirty – Feature
films should, in general, never be branded as a work of “journalism.” But as a
piece of art, this is a superb example of storytelling that carefully evades
political messaging. And it beats the living crap out of Kathryn Bigelow’s Best
Picture-winner, The Hurt Locker.
2. Lincoln – You already know about that Daniel Day-Lewis
performance. Lincoln is a
masterful movie on politics and is perhaps the best scripted film of the year.
Steven Spielberg’s 31st theatrical release is one of his best.
1. MOONRISE KINGDOM – All the standard Wes Anderson adjectives apply
here – “whimsical,” “quirky,” “charming,” “dry,” etc. The production design is
gorgeous and it’s among the funniest of Anderson’s pictures. Most of all
though, it contains a fantastic and unique love story, which spares the mushy
and goes heavy on the awkward. And that’s a good thing.
Top-10 Worthy: Skyfall, The Cabin in the Woods,
The Avengers, The Hobbit: An
Unexpected Journey
Worth a go: The Grey, Looper, Prometheus, The Dark Knight Rises, Life of Pi
SPECIAL AWARDS
Do More of That Award: Robert de Niro, Silver Linings Playbook
It’s good to know de Niro still has the capacity
to select a solid project as an actor. Playbook is arguably his first good movie since Meet the
Parents (2000). But boy, did he
nail the role of a half-nutty Philadelphia Eagles fan and father, too.
That’s Not a Smart
Thing to Do Award: Prometheus
Ridley Scott’s space opera is packed with
thought-provoking ideas (creation, sacrifice, first causes), but a bunch of
brainless crap also elbowed its way in there, which completely undermined the
brilliant mythology at work. Things to remember: 1) If a doughnut-shaped
spacecraft is crashing down on you, always remember to avoid running in a
straight line. 2) Before agreeing to join an ultra-dangerous inter-galactic mission,
seek briefing of the mission before coming aboard. 3) Don’t remove your helmet
when coming across an unfamiliar worm-like alien creature on a foreign planet.
Best Villain Award: Leonardo DiCaprio as Calvin Candie, Django
Unchained
Due to his unmatched
charm, ruthlessness and showmanship, Candie stands out in a rogue’s gallery
that includes the likes of Bane, Loki, Raoul Silva and Azog the Pale Orc.
Candie and Heath Ledger’s Joker are the two best villains the silver screen has
seen in some time. Leo was criminally robbed of an Oscar nom. Candie’s slave,
Stephen (Samuel L. Jackson), isn’t too far behind, either.
Best Buddies Award: End of Watch
Jake Gyllenhal and Michael Pena will make you turn to your bro and
say, “How come you never did that for me?”
Dumbest Ending
Award: Life of Pi
Give me a break.
Please, Just Give Him A
Fucking Oscar Already Award: Roger Deakins, cinematographer, Skyfall
This is the tenth time Deakins has been nominated, and should this be the
tenth time he loses, Man with Beard will go bonkers. Deakins' elegant
visuals in Skyfall are right up
there with some of his best work – The Shawshank Redemption, True Grit, No
Country for Old Men, Jarhead, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward
Robert Ford. But, it seems Life
of Pi is the likely winner.
Coolest Cast Award: Django Unchained
Sure, it was great to see the A-listers do their
thing, but part of the movie’s fun came from all the long-time-no-seers
appearing on screen, including Don Johnson, he of “Miami Vice” and “Nash
Bridges” fame; James Remar, he of shoving that bat and turning you into a popsicle
fame in The Warriors; Tom
Wopat, he of “The Dukes of Hazzard” and Wisconsin nativity fame; M. C. Gainey,
he of LOST fame; Franco Nero, he of Django fame; Dennis Christopher, he of Breaking Away fame; oh, and Quentin Tarantino, that guy who
reinterpreted “Like a Virgin” in Reservoir Dogs.
Best
Musical: Les Miserables
Usually there are no contestants in this
category. As far as musicals go, this one wasn’t half bad. Hugh Jackman is the
best part. Maximus Decimus Meridius is the worst part.
Cheeky Line Award: “What were you expecting, an exploding pen?” Q, Skyfall
Bond stares at the lackluster repertoire of
gadgets, and says, “Not exactly Christmas,” followed by Q hitting him with this
award-winning reply. The line reinforces how the franchise is distancing itself
from the silly days of go-go gadgets and the tiresome plot of villains taking
over the world, going instead for a more realistic, hard-boiled approach.
The Jack London Award: The Grey
“He was sounding the
deeps of his nature and of the parts of his nature that were deeper than he,
going back into the womb of time.”
Worst Makeup Award: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Looper
Was he supposed to look like Bruce Willis or
just some ugly guy with a weird nose?
Best
Addition to a Franchise Whose Fans are Protective of the Source Material But
Remain Protective Despite the Successful Addition: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Nobody was expecting this to reach the cinematic
beauty of The Lord of the Rings -
the two stories have always had a completely different ‘tude. As such, Peter
Jackson nailed the chirpy bounce and adventurousness of Tolkien’s prequel novel
and Martin Freeman gave the whole franchise one of its best performances as a
younger Bilbo. That said, some of the special effects did look too video-gamey
and the runtime easily could have been trimmed down. With two more pictures
required before this children’s tale can be told, Man with Beard will look
forward to the next adventure like anyone with a Tookish side would. But Man
with Beard will also worry if it’ll ever seem like it was all a bit too much.
Best Beards: Lincoln
There are some truly inspirational works of man-crafting here. Django
Unchained is a worthy silver medalist.
Best Director Award: Kathryn Bigelow, Zero Dark Thirty
Ever see a military infiltration scene quite
like this one? Ever watch such a lengthy and methodical movie that stays
thrilling? And she wasn’t even nominated by the Academy. She’s far more deserving
of it this time around than she was for The Hurt Locker – not that she didn’t deserve that, either.
Why Are You Doing That?
Award: The Dark Knight Rises
Does the stock market scene really make sense? Also, Bruce Wayne’s intestines must be made of adamantium to
survive a fall of such heights with only a rope around his waist to “save him.”
Speaking of which, why didn’t he just climb the rope to the top?
MEMORABLE SCENES
The
Cabin in the Woods – When the
elevator doors open
This
is quite possibly the most entertaining scene of the year, so no details shall be
divulged. You will be just as unprepared for this as everyone else.
Flight – The crash
The
scene that sets the stage for the rest of the movie is a showpiece of thrills
and pacing. It’s incredible how it completely seizes you, and then,
unexpectedly, let’s you relax for a bit before the inevitable.
The
Dark Knight Rises –
"Maybe it's time we all stop trying to outsmart the truth and let it haveit's day."
Can
you think of any other superhero movie containing a scene of such emotion like
this? This is an element that not even The Dark Knight had. Michael Caine is a consistent scene-stealer in
this trilogy’s final act.
Django
Unchained – Calvin Candie
introduces “Ben”
The
tide gets turned on the two heroes as Candie charmingly lays out his twisted
and disgusting analysis of Django and the African-American brain in general
before going completely ballistic. This scene alone should have won DiCaprio a
nomination from the Academy.
Prometheus – The cesarean
Makes
you wanna kick and flail your limbs all about just to keep it away. This confirms we’re in the same universe as
the Alien series. It just
wouldn’t be right to leave the theatre without hoping you never get a
stomachache again.
The
Master - Processing
The
father of a new religious movement tests out a psychological exercise on his
most intriguing, and damaged, follower. No other scene in 2012 contained acting
and editing quite like this, with Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix
launching into a high-speed back-and-forth with the latter forbidden from
blinking.
The
Avengers – Loki takes on the Hulk, promptly loses
You’re
expecting a some punishing fisticuffs to take place between these two, but then
the Hulk makes Loki look like a real chump.
Amour – Story time
This
film’s climax is the most touching and most devastating scene of the year. To see love and death in such a
moment after the movie had been so doggedly patient for so long will make your
head spin.
Silver
Linings Playbook – Fight in
the diner spills onto the street
This
is the best slice of acting in the careers of both Bradley Cooper and Jennifer
Lawrence, with fantastic editing that really makes you feel anxious when the trigger
song for Cooper’s bipolar character begins to play.
Chronicle – Flying for the first time
Even
while watching on a miniscule television in your own home, this scene will
deliver a rush of excitement, with thrilling point-of-view
camerawork and the characters darting to-and-fro about the screen.
Holy
Motors – The accordion scene
Nearly
inexplicable like the rest of this kooky French picture, this scene functions
well as a music video, even when out of context.
- Elliot Hughes
- Elliot Hughes
